Inspired by the events of the past week, here’s a handy guide for anyone
looking to figure out what exactly is going on during a breaking news event.
When you first hear about a big story in progress, run to your television. Make
sure it’s securely turned off.
Next, pull out your phone, delete your Twitter app, shut off your email, and
perhaps cancel your service plan. Unplug your PC.
Now go outside and take a walk for an hour or two. Maybe find a park and sit
on a bench, reading an old novel. Winter is just half a year away—have you
started cleaning out your rain gutters? This might be a good time to start.
Whatever you do, remember to stay hydrated. Have a sensible dinner. Get a good
night’s rest. In the morning, don’t rush out of bed. Take in the birdsong. Brew
a pot of coffee.
Finally, load up your favorite newspaper’s home page. Spend about 10 minutes
reading a couple of in-depth news stories about the events of the day. And
that’s it: You’ve now caught up with all your friends who spent the past day and
a half going out of their minds following cable and Twitter. In fact, you’re now
better informed than they are, because during your self-imposed exile from the
news, you didn’t stumble into the many cul-de-sacs and dark alleys of
misinformation that consumed their lives. You’re less frazzled, better rested,
and your rain gutters are clear.
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